First of all, I would like to thank you for always trying to understand me all these years. I always thought we were cut from the same cloth that is why I don’t find it hard to explain myself to you because when I find it hard to explain myself sometimes and I begin to stutter for loss of words, you nod and do that hand gesture beckoning me to go on and then you’ll just say “I know, I get what you’re trying to say”. If I could meet you every weekend and some days during the weekdays, I would.
Haven’t you noticed that I don’t turn down your invitations anymore no matter how expensive the trip you whimsically thought of is? I keep telling myself I should take advantage of the remaining time because I owe you this much. I would take all these trips with you and I promise I will never get tired of you or our conversations.
I try not to think of the time when you won’t be a text message or a call away anymore. I am so sorry if I have decided to leave you alone here, fending for yourself. I know I can leave you now; I know you can do it by yourself now. I know you understand that my pain would be greater if I stayed. It would tear me up and it would leave me bitter for all the opportunities I’ve lost.
While we were passing by the freeway, I tried to remember all those times we passed that freeway together. I tried to remember what year they were, what we were doing, and where we were on our lives then. The memories were comforting and I know that we’re trying not to talk about it because we both think that we still have time. We think that we still have more time before I finally go. And knowing the dynamics of us, I think we’ll only talk about me leaving a couple of days before I finally do.
A while ago, while the wind was dishevelling our hair and the soft waves kept coming to the shore, we were laughing about something we find funny and then we were silent. And I asked myself, am I really going to leave all of this behind? What if I never find another friend such as this? What do I do when I need someone to cheer me up and the only one who can do it is on the other side of the globe?
I feel sad when I think about it because I know and I am sure that I won’t come back. Or maybe I will, but it will take a very long time. Just because I won’t be coming back, doesn’t mean that I will have forgotten you. I hope you know that I will always hold you dear as a friend.
So for now, let us take all the remaining time while still plenty and carry on like there is no impending gloom in the horizon. Let us carry on as we ought to do, as we always do. Let us take our time in saying our good-byes.