I’ve read somewhere that the end of 2019 will also be the closing of a decade. Wow, the end of another decade. It’s just as melancholic as when the 90’s ended (which in my opinion is still the best decade so far.) I looked back on how my life was at the beginning of this decade, 2010, and I realised how far I’ve come. The girl that I was in 2010 is far too different from who I am now. If she and I would meet each other by chance, through science fiction most probably, we would be on the opposite sides of the spectrum.
Due to my pseudo-orphan situation, I have come to dislike Christmas and then after a while, I became indifferent to it. And now that it’s Christmastime once again, I try to take it on as positively as I can but to be honest, I am really getting tired of Christmas. I don’t get why people are so hyped about it when all that it’s about, at least from what I can see, is capitalism on steroids.
Another reason why I dislike this part of the year is that it forces me to contemplate about the year I’ve had and the following year that is to come. And when you’re someone like me who has no definitive plans on how her next year is going to be, then it will only cause you more anxiety and frustration.
This was the decade where I graduated from college, passed the board exam, ended a long-term relationship, been into almost relationships, been into another relationship that scarred me for life, dealt with family issues, been through three jobs that are from different industries, went through difficulties with my faith and beliefs, and learned to adapt and grow as a human being. This by far is the decade of my life that when examined in retrospect, will prove to be the holistic bootcamp from hell.
It’s funny that before this decade ends, I get to write again because I forgot how much I enjoyed it and how much it gives me clarity about things. I’m very thankful that I rediscovered this gift again. And because I rediscovered it, I was given the opportunity to scrub myself clean internally and to take out all the muck that has clouded my vision. Now, I feel like there is lesser weight in my chest because I was forced to really look at things and how they are supposed to be rather than how I want them to be. And I think, for a very long time, discovering the benefits of writing before this decade ends is so far, the best gift I have ever received this Christmas. And because of that, I think I am open to liking this Yuletide season again, but let’s not get our hopes up too soon.